Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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