You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize