were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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