she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
