you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
