omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
