im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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