possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
