You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
