hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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