i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
