Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
