Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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