My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
