Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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