he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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