you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I still have a little drunk in my system
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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