Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize