Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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