she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
