Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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