I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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