The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
