Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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