I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
