did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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