so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
