should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize