i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
