There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
