I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
