I think I died a long time ago.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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