Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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