I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
