@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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