Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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