I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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