it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
