so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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