Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
