If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
