HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
did i walk over a car last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
