Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
