I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
