hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
