First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
