tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
how drunk are you?
Several
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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