Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
