I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My friends, they love my intelligence
her vagine was all disorganized.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
