Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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