i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
