youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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