you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
