The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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