True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
