we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
