My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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