I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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