paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
