The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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