he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
