I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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